The bad news followed after throwing one of his flying boots at the TV at the end of the game. " I am with you until Tuesday, Bertie old boy, so I hope you have lined up some bedwarmers for me in the spare room, Woof Woof! Big storm coming in and I am now grounded. Where are you taking me to wine, dine and fornicate?Woof WOOF!". When I told him that funds were short and that hitting the night-spots of Thanet was out of the question he fell silent for 5 minutes. " Hell, Bertie, this is serious" was his next comment and he didn't say another word for a whole 15 minutes. Then he sprung this great idea on me.
He explained that as we had kilometres of unsightly fencing and a Grafitti problem in Thanet, it was an ideal time to hold a 'Grafitti Conference'. We could organise it and charge all the delegates 'oodles' of cash and take them on practical sessions; put them up in The Nail and Rock (now that it was a 'proper hotel' again) and invite Banksy, foreign G -experts, Government Ministers, 'Shadow' types, our local politicos and even the Israelis as Banksy gave them a problem on their security wall around the West Bank.
We are now planning Thanet's first G-conference! The booking is in for The Winter Gardens as the conference hall and even though it may not be as smart as a London hotel venue, we reckon that jellied -eels and winkles washed down with a pint or two will justify a fee per delegate of £995 for the two day bash.
I have never seen the Lord Flashheart so excited. "We'll get the elastic band on your Sopwith fixed in no time with the profits on this wheeze" he said, " But there is one problem...".
I asked what it was and he said " You have no profile, old chap in this G business and we must address this fast. Its not good enough saying you scribbled on your prep desk at Eton; scratched 'Biggles woz ere' on your bench in the Bodleian and on the wall at Yale. We need some more up-to date stuff!"
So readers, search on Wickedpeedear for my new G profile fast, before it gets obliterated with "citation needed" comments; look out in The Gazunder for reports on a spate of new grafitti in Thanet and Magistrate Court appearances of yours truly. Below, I show a piece of my recent work which I was particularly pleased with.